Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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