what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You pole danced in your parka.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
