Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
