Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Text me some of your sweat
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