So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
