I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
