You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
