I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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