theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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