Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
