Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
