4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
