They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
