Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
