Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
