Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
