where am i from again
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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