"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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