I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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