I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
