I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
