I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
not ubering you a puppy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize