Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
