we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your cock deserves a montage
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
