is your mom at the bar?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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