glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have demons in me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize