WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
