We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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