actually, I'm a sock model
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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