ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize