five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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