So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
MIDGETS
????
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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