is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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