would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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