The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
