a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
