so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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