I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
