I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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