Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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