Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
