I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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