This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
