dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
