We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
