Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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