well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
