Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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