Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
