i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
