My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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