My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
