and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
