whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
