how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize