No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize