Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
