Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
