Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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