i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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