are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize