I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
