is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
