Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
