i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
