I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
