like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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