true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
