that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
