If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
