The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
