It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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