No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
