you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
