Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
