Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
