You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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