he wants to bone in the snuggie
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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