Plan B is the new Plan A
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Too much gin, very little bucket
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
