Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
