You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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