You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
