If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize