So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
