I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
