I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
