I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
