i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
