Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am naked and annoyed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
