someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
