i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
