Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
