Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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