If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
