i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
