i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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