I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
