I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
