you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
