My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
