I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mom said you looked used
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
